January 22nd 2008
Full Moon in Leo
15 Shvat
Seeing
(hearing, smelling, tasting, touching, intuiting)
Fellow Pilgrims,
When I was 14 years old, I became somewhat obsessed with the idea of traveling to Israel. My parents didn’t have the money to send me, so they tried to talk me out of it. As a child I was painfully shy, but also determined and stubborn. I didn’t know the language of pilgrimage, but I knew that I was supposed to step outside of my suburban New Jersey confines and into a larger world where I would walk the “Holy Land.”
I searched for summer programs and found one that would have us in a camp during the week and then would place us in Israeli homes on the weekend. I approached the local rabbis in my county and persuaded them to donate money for my trip from their discretionary funds. I continued to argue with my parents. In a last ditch attempt to dissuade me, they said that I was too young to appreciate what I would be seeing. In that very moment I made a vow to “see,” to not miss the holiness and meaning of each and every sight.
It was that vow that transformed my journey. I refused to accept that a limitation (in this case my age) might prevent me from fully experiencing the depth, magic, sparkle, significance or mystery of “The Holy Land.” And so, partly to prove to my parents and myself that I was indeed old enough, I took up the challenge of “seeing”… experiencing each moment with absolute attention.
There was a moment during that journey when my eyes opened to see in a new way and I learned an important lesson. We were touring an ancient ruin, a prison in Acco. I looked through the stone portal and the city scene in front of me dissolved. In its place I saw the ancient winding streets, with donkeys instead of cars — a dusty and colorful marketplace of another time.
I watched in wonder. Later I told my roommate what I had seen. She reported this to the camp director, who promptly called me into his office for a friendly interrogation. I told him what I had seen. He insisted that I had imagined it. I realized that if I didn’t “confess” that I had imagined it, he was going to have to send me home. I told him what he wanted to hear and learned from then on to keep my visions secret.
When I think back on that journey that I took nearly 40 years ago, I am inspired to renew my vow of “seeing” deeply. I am also aware of the limitations and obstacles to perception. My vision is often conditioned or limited by my expectations and beliefs. Sometimes my mind is so busy with its thinking about things, that I don’t perceive that which is right in front of me. And when I don’t fully honor the visions that I receive, the eyes of my heart grow dim.
In preparing for our pilgrimage, I suggest that you take up the challenge of “seeing,” of opening the eyes of your heart, and feeling into a place. I have found that this wider and deeper perception comes when I can attain a certain inner stillness. It takes patience. And it requires an open heart.
When I pray the first blessing of the Amida, the standing silent prayer that is core to our liturgy, I receive this moment as an opportunity to open my heart to the power of our ancestors. Thich Nhat Hanh teaches that before spiritual practice we must bow to 3 different kinds of lineage. I bow to my blood ancestors, to the ancestors of my heart, and to the ancestors that have walked the land on which I stand. In honoring the ancestors, we ask for their blessing, acknowledge their gifts to us, learn from their mistakes, and open to the power of their wisdom and love.
In preparation for our journey, I ask you to begin to practice this “inner bowing.” Feel the presence of the ancestors within you, waiting to be healed, waiting to serve you. Imagine that right here, on the ground on which you sit, someone has died, someone was born, someone experienced the Presence of a great Mystery… That someone, your ancestor, bequeathed to you the fruit of their wondrous life.
This full moon, we celebrate the holiday of Tu’B’Shvat, the Birthday of the Trees. We taste and savor the fruit from the Tree of Life. We taste the miraculous in what we had thought was ordinary. We honor the ones who had enough vision and generosity to plant seeds. We receive the gifts of the past and in turn we plant seeds that will bear fruit for our descendents.
As we walk the “Holy Land” together, let’s make a vow to “see,” to not miss a moment. And though the land we will travel might seem foreign, keep in your heart the knowledge of our kinship with all life. The same Tree connects us all, nourishes us all.
When I travel I am guided by a compelling soul-yearning to experience all of what it means to be human, to step into the larger world, to see deeply, taste fully and “know” beyond my conceptions. The requirement for pilgrimage is Self-awareness. And Self-awareness is also the goal. I offer the intention for our journey that everything that we see “out there,” be a reminder of some wondrous part of ourselves that we might have forgotten.
In grateful anticipation of our journey together,
Shefa
©2008 Shefa Gold. All rights reserved.