Therefore Turn Today
Rabbi Eliezer, one of our great sages, taught his disciples, “Turn one day prior to your death.” And his students said to him, “Master, how can anyone know what day is one day prior to their death?” And his response to them was, “Therefore, turn today, because tomorrow you may die.” (Shabbat 153a)
This is the message of Yom Kippur. Look into the face of Death and return to who you were before you had a face. Yom Kippur holds up a mirror that truthfully reflects the nature of our physical form, our personalities, our fixed identities… and this mirror shows us that all these will pass away, sooner or later. Who remains? What is our true and changeless face when this bag of skin and bones and tribal loyalties is emptied into the ocean of Oneness?
On Yom Kippur we have an appointment with the Great Doctor of Doctors who thumps our chest and looks down our throat and whispers solemnly, “You’re all going to die.” Yet we detect behind this dire diagnosis, a hidden smile.
On Yom Kippur the High Priest enters the Holy of Holies, the innermost chambers of the Temple. Each of us is invited to don the robes of High Priest and enter into the innermost chambers of the heart. It is considered the most holy and dangerous place. A rope is tied around our ankles in case we die and have to be pulled out. The danger is real. In order to enter, someone, (that someone that we think we are), must die. In order to enter, there must be a turning, a turning away from all that is known and defined, a turning towards the unknowable, toward the un-namable.
On Yom Kippur, the High Priest emerges from the Holy of Holies and pronounces the unpronounceable name of God, the name that holds the essence of Being itself. Each of us is called forth from that Holy of Holies. As we step into our lives, the veils of this opaque existence dissolve for a moment and our true radiance shines forth. They say that the face of the High Priest shone with such radiance that the hearts of all the world were lifted and even the farthest corners of the earth welled up and overflowed with song. There comes a moment during Yom Kippur when all masks drop away and the roles that we have been assigned are erased and there are no barriers between us. At that moment the High Priest cries out, “Tit-haru! – You are purified!”
The truth of that moment is engraved upon our hearts. And still we forget. When we’re caught in traffic, late for an appointment, when our teenage daughter is sulking again, when the newspaper screams disaster, when our mother makes us feel guilty, when our lover is in one of his moods, when the whole world seems to be conspiring against us, we lose our perspective and forget. We get lost on the surface, and forget the depths. We get tangled in branches that are bending against each other in the wind, and forget that we have the same root, that we are the same tree.
The possibility of remembering, the opportunity to return to our true radiance is always there. The Gates of Tshuvah are never entirely closed, though sometimes we must open them with our tears. We carry the Holy of Holies within us. Each breath, each moment carries the possibility of return.
I once had a dream that I was lying on my deathbed. I was surrounded by friends and family, all of them caught up in the drama of my passing. Some were trying to heal me. Others were mourning already. I excused myself and walked into the bathroom where I stared at my face in the mirror. I had great affection and compassion for the face I had worn for a lifetime. And, I regretted all the time and attention I had paid to what that face looked like. I regretted my obsession with appearances, which were now passing away. Behind my face I glimpsed that radiance of the High Priest and I knew my essential purity.
How have you wasted your time on the surface of your life? How long will you worry about appearances? How long will you fear the future, wallow in the past, ignoring this radiant moment and its challenge to step into the Holy of Holies, which means to live from your depths, from the fullness of your love?
Every moment is an opportunity to begin again. “Therefore, turn today… ” says Rabbi Eliezer.
On Yom Kippur, the Doctor of Doctors places a stethoscope against our breast, listens to our heart of hearts, and with a wink and a hidden smile says, “Yes, you’re all going to die. Through the Death of your illusion of smallness, you will be born into the Truth of your immensity.”
©2003 Shefa Gold. All rights reserved.